The Mogull is doing everyone a public service again today by republishing his tips for safe online shopping (here [1]). As I mentioned the first time he posted these tips, it's good stuff. Rich does talk about the "horror of Black Friday." and that's what I want to talk about this morning because I just don't get it.

Back when I lived in Virginia and before I was married, my Mom came down for Thanksgiving and we decided to go to an outlet mall called Potomac Mills [2] on Black Friday. I guess I needed socks or something similarly ridiculous. We drove around for about 30 minutes trying to find parking and then proceeded to be surrounded by thousands of my closest friends, who like a pack of rabid dogs were struggling to save 30 cents on some friggin' trinket. We fought all day and it was a purely miserable experience that is still etched in my mind probably 15 years later.

Suffice it to say that was the last time I've ventured anywhere near a mall on Black Friday.

But my questions have never really been answered about this annual ritual. So maybe some of you can help me. I'm not sure how much help a bunch of security practitioners are going to be, but what the hell? I haven't really been able to tap into the audience of crazy people that go into mosh pits to save 30 cents.

1. What's the rush? - Since I don't celebrate Christmas, I've never really understood why there is such a rush to get the gifts on Black Friday. I also happen to be a last minute type of guy, so I'm usually running out to get my anniversary present on the day of my anniversary (which is tomorrow by the way). Can't it wait until December 1? Do you think the retailers aren't going to have good sales then? Especially if sales on Black Friday suck...
   
   I also have to admit that my wife is kind of like a chipmunk. She hoards gifts all year round. So when the Disney store has a sale, she comes back with a carload of stuff. I always ask, "who's that for?" and she has no clue. Given that I have 3 kids who have friends (it seems like hundreds of them) who all have Birthday parties, the boss is absolutely correct in stocking up the present closet (yes, it's a closet and yes, the kids have figured out where it is - which is bad). We end up saving a lot of money doing this.
   
   
2. Where do all those people come from? - I live in the suburbs of Atlanta, so I guess I know there are millions of people around. But I never really see all of them at the same time. But it seems that on Black Friday, they all want to go to the same set of stores. You see, I don't like people too much (except you, of course). So the idea of surrounding myself with thousands of panting carnivores looking to sink their teeth into a bargain (or your leg if you get in their way) just doesn't seem like fun to me. Is it? I'm still confused.
   
   
3. Aren't you still full from Thanksgiving? - Maybe this is just me. But after I binge all day on Thanksgiving, the only think I want to do for most of Black Friday is puke and try to shake my hangover. I have a real hard time moving. I guess there is that segment of society that is actually active and after eating too much really wants to go work it off. So walking around a mall in gridlock traffic would seem to be a good answer for that.
   
   
4. Are there ever any fights on Black Friday? - I know the way I get when there are too many people around. And if I was competing with others for that last PS3 or Tickle me Elmo (or whatever toy is hot this year) and I ended up on the short end of the stick, it wouldn't be pretty. I remember the Governator starred in some crappy holiday movie (called Jingle All the Way [3]) about this years ago, but I missed it, so I'm still mis-informed. I guess there is some "Black Friday Code of Ethics" that govern who gets what, no?
   
   
5. Have these folks heard of the Internet? - I've also heard that there is this thing called the Internet, where you can buy stuff any time of day and you don't have to search for parking for 20 minutes. The retailers tend to have even better bargains than if you show up at the stores because it's cheaper for them to fulfill your order that way. You can shop from the comfort of your fat boy chair and pretty much get anything your little heart desires. And with the crack staffs of FedEx and UPS working overtime, you can order up to about December 22 and still get your stuff for the big day. But the malls are still packed on Black Friday. Go figure.

I can only speak for myself, and Black Friday just isn't something I'm going to deal with. So instead, my family and I (including the in-laws and brother and sister in law) are venturing down to the Georgia Aquarium bright and early on Black Friday. I'm sure it will be mobbed too and I'll get to be surrounded by thousands of people who as opposed to foaming at the mouth to save 30 cents will be foaming at the mouth to see a hammerhead shark and a Beluga whale.

But the kids will love it and being around family this holiday season is what it's all about. So like many of you that venture out to shop on Black Friday, I'll take a few deep breaths every 10 seconds or so, make my way through the crowd, and think about how lucky I am. Enjoy your holiday (if you are in the US, that is...).